Sonny with a Fake Jake

This is an episode of the former Disney Channel show, "Sonny with a Chance," that I wrote a few months before they cancelled the show. Unfortunately the show's star, Demi Lovato was going through some difficult personal times and it was too much for her at the time. Anyway though, I wasn't sure how to get the producers to see it, and then the show ended, but it's all good. I hear Demi is doing better and that's more important. So without any further blabber here it is.

Sonny with a chance

Sonny with a Fake Jake
Episode Written by: Jake Long

INT. STUDIO HALLWAY. SONNY WALKING DOWN THE HALL TOWARDS CHAD’S ROOM FULL OF PEP AND SINGING.

SONNY
Chad, Chaddy, Chad, Chad, Chaddy, Chad Chad, Chad-choree
where or where can my Chad be?

SONNY OPENS THE DOOR TO CHAD’S ROOM AS SHE FINISHES HER SONG.

CHAD
Shh. Sonny, come over here.

CHAD PAUSES THE SHOW HE’S WATCHING.

SONNY
You shh’ed me. I was singing about you.

CHAD
Oh. Sorry, but you need to see this.

CHAD TURNS THE SHOW BACK ON. THERE’S A HOST TALKING ABOUT AN ACTOR.

MALLORY (SHOW HOST)
Today’s interview is with an up and coming actor, he made his feature film debut in the critically acclaimed, “International Treasure.”

A CLIP OF “International Treasure,” PLAYS. WE SEE A YOUNG MAN PLAYED BY JAKE DARYN JENSEN WITH A YOUNG LADY IN A LIBRARY.

THOMAS FENCES (JAKE IN MOVIE CLIP)
I have to do something very risky, Francesca.
I have to kidnap the Pope!

MUSIC PLAYS, “DUN! DUN! DUN!” CHAD PAUSES THE SHOW.

CHAD
See?

SONNY
See what?

CHAD
He’s stealing my career!

SONNY
Ohh. (a beat) Dun! Dun! Dun!

CHAD
Oh, you make jokes now, but you’ll see.

CHAD TURNS THE SHOW BACK ON.

MALLORY (SHOW HOST)
And now he is starring in the new and popular primetime series,
“Mackintosh Peaks.” Ladies and Gentleman,
please welcome, Jake Daryn Jensen!

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS AS JAKE ENTERS.

SONNY
What’s the big deal?

CHAD
Wait for it.

MALLORY
Hollywood has a new “It” boy. Watch out Chad Dylan Cooper!

SONNY
Oh, no.

CHAD
I know!

OPENING SONG AND CREDITS.

INTERVIEW CONTINUES.

MALLORY
We’re glad to have you with us, Jake.

JAKE
Well, I’m glad to be here, Mallory.

MALLORY
A lot of things have been happening for you lately, Jake.
How do you handle all of the work and attention?

JAKE
I just take it one day at a time. That way I can do anything.

MALLORY
But there must be some challenge with those bigger roles.

JAKE
Whenever I see my rolls getting too big (motioning to his stomach)
I just head straight for the treadmill.

THE AUDIENCE LAUGHS. CHAD TURNS THE SHOW OFF.

CHAD
I cant’ take any more of it.

SONNY
So what? He’s just another actor. That doesn’t
take anything away from you.

CHAD
Oh whatever Sonny.

HE BURIES HIMSELF IN THE COUCH.

SONNY
(a beat) You’re probably right, Chad. He is
nicer than you, when you started out.

CHAD REMOVES HIS FACE FROM THE PILLOW TO LOOK AT SONNY.

CHAD
Huh?

SONNY
And he’s funny, and charming, and he also…


CHAD
What are you doing!!!

SONNY
Reverse psychology. I didn’t think you would take it that seriously.

CUT TO INT. PROP HOUSE. NICO, GRADY, ZORA, AND TAWNI PLAYING HANGMAN. TAWNI’S AT THE CHALK BOARD AND THE OTHER 3 ARE GUESSING. BEFORE WE SEE THE BOARD AND TAWNI WE SEE NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA’S BLANK FACES.

NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA
Uhhh?

WE SEE THE BOARD AND IT READS, “ _ AWNI HA_ _

TAWNI
Oh, come on!

NICO
T?

TAWNI WRITES IN THE T’S.

ZORA
Oh! Oh. Tawni Hart.

Grady
Who’s Tawni Hart? Ohh. (a beat) You said it was a famous person.

TAWNI
I am famous!

NICO
Kind of.

TAWNI
Kind of? How can you be kind of famous?

NICO
I don’t know you tell me.

NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA
Ohh!

ALL 3 OF THEM GIVE EACH OTHER HIGH FIVES WHILE TAWNI LOOKS ON IN FRUSTRATION.


TAWNI
O.K. No more games. Let’s just watch T.V.

THEY SIT BY EACH OTHER, TAWNI ABOUT TO TURN ON THE T.V. JUST AS SONNY AND CHAD ENTER THE ROOM.

SONNY
Hey guys, I need your help. We have to cheer Chad up.

TAWNI
We’re not very cheery right now, so you can watch
T.V. with us or you can go back the way you came.

SONNY
Okay. Come on Chad.

CHAD, SONNY, TAWNI, NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA ALL SQUISH TOGETHER ON THE COUCH. THEY SHUFFLE UNCOMFORTABLY FOR A BIT. THEN TAWNI TURNS ON THE T.V. WITH THE REMOTE. IT’S THE SAME INTERVIEW CONTINUING.

MALLORY
Tell us more about Mackintosh Peaks.

BACK TO EVERYONE.

CHAD
Oh, great.

CHAD TRIES TO GET UP BUT SONNY PULLS HIM BACK DOWN.

SONNY
Just sit down. It’s probably lame anyway.

BACK TO THE INTERVIEW.

JAKE
It’s really about a turning point in a young man’s life
where he has to decide what’s important to him, as
a person. He needs to do what he feels is right.

SHOT OF EVERYONE ON COUCH. EVERYONE EXCEPT CHAD, TOUCHED BY THE MESSAGE.

GROUP
Awe.

CHAD’S DISGUSTED, ESPECIALLY WITH SONNY. BACK TO THE INTERVIEW.


MALLORY
(Crying) That’s wonderful. We have a clip from the show. Here it is.

THE CLIP PLAYS. WE SEE A BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAIN AND FOCUS IN ON A YOUNG WOMAN HANGING ON THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AND SCREAMING FOR HELP.

ALLISON
Help! Please! Somebody, help me!

MACKINTOSH RUNS TO HER AND PULLS HER UP.

MACKINTOSH (JAKE)
It’s okay. I’ve got you now.

ALLISON
Oh, Mackintosh. I knew it would be you.
But why? Why would you save me?

MACKINTOSH (JAKE IN SHOW CLIP)
Because, Allison. My family may own these
mountains, but you’re family sells the ski lifts
that bring the tourists up them.

BACK TO CHAD AND THE RANDOMS.

CHAD
Wow! (a beat) That was amazing!

RANDOMS
What?

SONNY
Chad, he stole your story.


CHAD
No, no Sonny. My story is about water falls
and bottled water. This guy has taken dramatic
acting to the next level.

ZORA
Could any of this have to do with the “Jake Daryn Jensen”
trivia on the bottom of the screen?

NICO
What do you mean?


ZORA
Look!

AS SHE POINTS TO THE SCREEN WE SEE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE INTERVIEW THERE’S A SPACE THAT SAYS JAKE DARYN JENSEN TRIVIA, AND UNDER IT STATES, “JAKE DARYN JENSEN ADMITS THAT HIS ROLE MODEL ACTOR IS CHAD DYLAN COOPER.

SONNY
Chad, that is pathetic.

GRADY
Wait a minute. (Reading) Jake Daryn Jensen’s
home town is Hayward, Wisconsin.

SONNY
Wisconsin! Wow! That’s where I’m from!
Of course you guys already knew that.

BACK TO THE INTERVIEW.

JAKE
And I just found out today, that tomorrow I’m going
to be a guest star on the sketch show, So Random!

BACK TO EVERYBODY.

NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA
Wow!

TAWNI STILL GRUMPY.

NICO
Tawni, you’re not a little bit excited?

BACK TO THE INTERVIEW.

JAKE
And I’m buying all of the cast members new convertibles.

BACK TO EVERYBODY.

EVERYBODY
Wow!

CHAD IS A BIT JEALOUS WHEREAS THE OTHERS ARE EXCITED.

THE NEXT DAY. THE SO RANDOMS ARE HUSTLING ABOUT PREPARING FOR THE DAY. CHAD IS CONVENIENTLY HANGING AROUND THEIR SETS. INT HALLWAY CHAD STOPS TO TALK TO AN IMAGINARY PERSON.

CHAD
No. No. It’s the least I could do.
You’re quite the role model yourself.

TAWNI WALKS OUT INTO THE HALLWAY AND OBSERVES HIM FOR A SECOND.

TAWNI
Uh. Chad?

NO RESPONSE. SHE GETS RIGHT BEHIND HIM.

Are you looking for Sonny!

CHAD
What? No. I mean yeah. Yes. Do
you know where I can find her?

TAWNI
Yeah, she’s in the Prop House setting up a cheese tasting stand.

CHAD
O-kay

CHAD WALKS OFF AND TAWNI WAITS UNTIL HE’S GONE, THEN SHE TAKES A CHAIR AND SITS WITH HER HANDS UP AS IF ON A STEERING WHEEL.

TAWNI
(To an imaginary person). Yeah I just got it, today.
What’s that? How fast can it go zero to sixty? Why
don’t you hop in and we’ll find out. (Laughs).

CUT TO INT PROP ROOM. SONNY PREPARING A TABLE OF CHEESE. CHAD WALKS IN.

CHAD
Hello muh-lady. Watcha doin?


SONNY
Just preparing some snacks for the cast and crew.

CHAD
Uh-huh. Seems to be a lot of cheese.

SONNY
We like our cheese… Here at So Random.

CHAD IS OBSERVING THE CHEESE.

CHAD
You know who really likes Cheese? People from Wisconsin!

SONNY
Yep, and that’s where I’m from. As they
say in Wisconsin, “Mm, mm, cheesy.”

CHAD
You sure you didn’t just make that up?

SONNY
Yes, I am.

CHAD
Really, Sonny? Really?

SONNY
Fine. They don’t say that. I’m just trying to give
Jake Daryn Jensen a Wisconsin welcome, okay?


CHAD
(A beat) Alright. Let’s see what ya got.

SONNY
Okay, I have everything from Gouda to Buddha.

SHE POINTS AT A BLOCK OF GOUDA THEN AT A CHEESE SCULPTURE OF BUDDHA.

This is Cheddar, Mozzarella, and Parmesan.
This is the cheese sauce fountain, and finally
(she grabs the handle to a metal pan covering and lifts it up).
this is Colby Jake, Pepper Jake, and Monterrey Jake.
(Cheese sculptures of Jake Daryn Jensen).

TAWNI, NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA WALK IN.

ZORA
Wow, Sonny. Nice cheese table. You went all out.

NICO
You’ve never made us a cheese table.

CHAD
Or me.

GRADY
Yeah, what if Chad was nice like Jake, then him and
Sonny would have been dating a long time ago.

NICO, TAWNI, AND ZORA
Yeah.

ZORA
Chad had so much potential.

CHAD
I’m right here!

SONNY
Don’t listen to them, Chad. You turned out just fine.

CHAD
Thanks, Sonny. But they’re right. I should have always been nicer.
I’m just glad for second chances. And now I have the opportunity to
learn from someone that not only has great taste in role models but
is also a really nice person.

JAKE DARYN JENSEN WALKS IN TALKING ON THE PHONE.

JAKE
Next time I go to a new studio I want a parking place
with my name on it! In fact why don’t you go
around to all of the studios in Hollywood, and get me a reserved parking spot at each
one, so that we never have to have this conversation, again!

JAKE HANGS UP HIS PHONE AND LOOKS AT SONNY, SMILING.

Hi, I’m Jake Daryn Jensen.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL. (IF YOU WANT TO YOUR SHOW YOUR CHOICE). BACK TO PROP HOUSE. EVERYONE STILL IN SHOCK. MARSHALL WALKS IN.

MARSHALL
Oh, good. I see you’ve all met Jake.

JAKE
Marshall, what’s wrong with these people? They’re
just staring at me. Are these manikins? I cannot
work with manikins, Marshall!

MARSHALL
No. No, they’re people they’re just really excited to see you.

MARSHALL MOVES SONNY AND CHAD’S JAWS UP AND DOWN.

Hi, Jake. Golly, it’s really swell to meet ya.

JAKE
Now I know you’re lying. (he pulls out his phone). Alfred, I need you to bring a skunk in here.

CHAD
Oh!

TAWNI
We’re all better!

SONNY
Yeah, see? We’re real people.

THEY ALL START MOVING SO HE WON’T SEND IN THE SKUNK.

JAKE
Never mind, Alfred. Also could you bring me a soda? No, I don’t care what kind. Of course diet. With a lemon, wait no lemon, never mind yes to the lemon.

AN OLDER MAN IN A SUIT WALKS IN WITH A SODA ON A TRAY.

ALFRED
Here you go, Sir.

JAKE TAKES THE DRINK.


JAKE
Didn’t I tell you to call me, Master Wayne?

ALFRED
Yes you did, Sir. (Emphasis on, “Sir”).

ALFRED TURNS AND STARTS WALKING OUT.

JAKE
Thanks, Alfred!

ALFRED
That’s not even my real name!

JAKE
(Let’s out a fake chuckle). Yeah, he’s fired.

MARSHALL
(A beat). Alright, Jake, you come with me and the rest of you have rehearsal.

SONNY
Isn’t he rehearsing with us?

JAKE
Afraid not little lady. I have a parking situation to resolve.
Don’t worry though, I have all of my lines right here. (points to his head)
I know this sketch like the back of my hand.

MARSHALL AND JAKE EXIT.

MARSHALL
Don’t worry I’m having Chuck come read for
Jake’s part in the rehearsal.

Everyone
Chuck, the Janitor? (In disbelief).

CUT TO INT MAIN STAGE. GROUP REHEARSING WITH CHUCK.

SONNY
O.K. Now that we’re all here we can begin.
Chad, will you read the stage directions?
(She holds out a script for him).

CHAD
What? The stage directions? Me?

SONNY
Please? Besides you’re not doing anything, anyway.

CHAD
Fine. (He takes the script). (Reading) INT MUSIC CONCERT.
TAWNI AT THE DRUMS. ZORA, GUITAR. SONNY SINGING “La La Land.”
NICO WALKS INTO FRAME AND LOOKS AT THE CAMERA.
THE MUSIC STOPS.

NICO WALKS INTO THE IMAGINARY FRAME AND REHEARSES.

NICO
Have you ever been to a concert and loved it so much
you wanted to save it forever, but you couldn’t?

CHAD (READING)
SWITCH OVER TO A DIFFERENT CONCERT.
GRADY SINGING ACAPELLA.

GRADY
Burp into my face, and I will taste, just what you had for lunch.

CHAD
(READING) JAKE WALKS INTO FRAME AND LOOKS
AT THE CAMERA. (a beat) Chuck, that’s you.



CHUCK
Oh, right. (He walks into the imaginary frame with script in hand,
and a monotone voice). Have you ever been to a concert,
and hated it so much you wanted to delete it from history?

EVERYONE’S FRUSTRATED WITH CHUCK’S SLOW PACE AS WE SWITCH OVER TO: EXT STUDIO PARKING LOT. MARSHALL AND JAKE WALKING UP TO PARKING SPOTS.

JAKE
Huh? Where is Alfred with my after-breakfast, pre-brunch snack?

MARSHALL
Didn’t you fire Alfred?

JAKE
Not old Alfred. New Alfred. That guy in the
blue jumpsuit we passed in the hallway.

MARSHALL
Oh. That’s Chuck, the janitor. He works here.

JAKE
Oh well. His loss. Anyway, I think I’ll go with this one.
(He stops and points at a parking spot).

MARSHALL
That’s my parking spot.

JAKE
Uh-huh. (a beat) So can I have it or not?

MARSHALL
Umm.

MR. CONDOR
Hey, Marshall.

Mr. Condor walks up to them.

Chad said he was hanging out with your cast today. Could
you give him this. He lent it to me.(He hands Marshall a CD
and turns to Jake). Oh, hey. (Realizes who it is).
It’s the Mackintosh Peaks guy… hi.


JAKE
Hello, Mr. Mackenzie Falls producer, dude.

THEY STARE EACH OTHER DOWN UNTIL MARSHALL BREAKS THE TENSION.

MARSHALL
(A beat). This is a Taylor Swift C.D.

MR. CONDOR
(Breaks his stare). Hey, she’s a music legend.

JAKE
(Breaks his stare). It’s true. She’s awesome.

THEY BOTH TURN AND STARE BACK AT EACH OTHER.

MR. CONDOR
Well, I have to get going.

JAKE
Good. To meet you, that is.

THE PRODUCER WALKS AWAY.

So about that parking spot?

MARSHALL
Right. I just remembered that I need to… organize
the… files in my desk. We’ll get this sorted out later.
Aren’t you hungry? Let’s go to the cafeteria
and get you some nice food.

THEY START TO WALK OFF.

JAKE
Sushi?

MARSHALL
Maybe.

SWITCH BACK TO MID SCENE OF REHEARSAL.

NICO
Well now you can. Introducing the new p-pod.

CHAD
(A beat) Chuck.

CHUCK
Oh. (Reading) That’s P-pod, it stands for Pocket-Pod.

NICO
You can absorb any music you hear. And you can either save it for later…

CHUCK IS ZONING OUT.

CHAD
Chuck!

CHUCK
What? Oh, yeah. (Reading) or you can day-lay-tay it?
How do you say that? I don’t speak French.

NICO
Delete! It’s delete! You said it one minute ago!

CHUCK
Delete? Delete. Delete. Delete. Doesn’t
even sound like a word anymore.

TAWNI
Okay, that’s it. Let me at him.

ZORA AND GRADY HOLD HER BACK.

SONNY
Okay. Okay. Enough. We all know who we’re really mad at,
and it’s not poor Chuck. (a beat) Well it is a little bit,
but we wouldn’t be mad at Chuck if it wasn’t
for that snobby Jake Daryn Jensen.

CHAD
I guess I’m looking really nice right about now.

TAWNI
Don’t push it.



SONNY
Look guys, I know we were promised convertibles, but
Jake is disrespecting everyone! This entire studio. (a beat)
And he wouldn’t even eat any of the cheese I made him.

CHAD
He did say he was lactose intolerant.

SONNY
That’s no excuse!

CHUCK
Sonny’s right. (Everyone turns and looks appalled).
Not about the cheese. About the disrespect. I just met
him and he yelled at me, and called me Alfred!

GRADY
This has got to end!

ZORA
If we do anything right now we’ll ruin the show.
have to wait until after.

SONNY
(A beat) Not necessarily. I think I have a plan that will
let us have a great show and teach Jake a lesson.

CUT TO INT MAIN STAGE. SKETCH GOING.

NICO
Well now you can introducing the new…
(pretending to forget) What was it again?

JAKE
(Whispering) P-Pod.

NICO
Oh, yeah. The new P-Pod.

JAKE
That’s P-Pod. It stands for pocket pod.

NICO
You can… Oh, what was that line?

JAKE
You can absorb any music you hear.

NICO POINTS THE POD AT SONNY AND THE BAND AND MUSICAL NOTES FLOW INTO IT. JAKE POINTS HIS AT GRADY AND IT ABSORBS HIS VOICE, TOO. THEY TRY TO SING AND PLAY BUT ARE SILENT.

NICO
You can either save it for later or you can delete it.

JAKE
(Fake laugh). You stole my line, Nico. (Still smiling).

JAKE IS ABOUT TO SPEAK AGAIN, BUT TAWNI PUSHES IN FRONT OF HIM.

TAWNI
The Pocket Pod is available at your local department store!

JAKE
(Still smiling, and another fake laugh). Didn’t
any one learn their own lines, like I did?

TAWNI
Oh, dear.

NICO
Oh, I know what happened. You see the P-Pod also
absorbs regular audio tracks as well as music. I must’ve downloaded
my lines right in there, and forgot to take them out.

TAWNI
Oops. And I must have uploaded your lines,
(She looks at Jake) for me!

TAWNI AND NICO SHARE A LAUGH WHILE JAKE SMILES AWKWARDLY.

TAWNI AND NICO
Ah, ha, ha, ha. Awe.

MARSHALL
And cut. That’s a wrap folks. I loved the re-write. A little risky
not to tell Jake, but I guess you new he could handle it.


JAKE
(He pulls out his phone). I’m gonna handle something…

MARSHALL
Jake, you’re improvising was brilliant. The So Randoms
new that’s what we needed, a master improv.

JAKE
(He puts his phone away). Well, thank you, Marshall. I’m glad I could help.

FINAL SCENE. INT PROP HOUSE. THE WHOLE GROUP ON THE COUCH AGAIN, SQUISHED TOGETHER. WATCHING T.V. ENTERTAINMENT REPORT SHOW REPORTING ON JAKE DARYN JENSEN.

REPORTER
Well it looks like Jake Daryn Jensen’s mad acting
skills brought the sketch show, So Random up to new
heights this week. Ratings were through the roof.

TAWNI TURNS OFF THE T.V.

ZORA
At least now more people will have seen the show.

TAWNI
Yeah, but Jake didn’t give us our convertibles.

CHAD
Yeah. (smiles) Instead he donated 10,000
dollars in your names to charity.

SONNY
Hey, Jake may not have gotten what he deserves, but
he did learn not to mess with the So Randoms.

CHAD
And, Chad Dylan Cooper.

SONNY
You didn’t do anything.

CHAD
Didn’t I, Sonny? Didn’t I?

SONNY
Nope.

CHAD
Oh.

The End.