Actor's Process

The Actor’s Process

Comedy

By Jacob Long

Bob Hugh-British Movie Director that has the chance to direct his own movie that he has wanted to make for the last 10 years.

Jack Tretner- A model turned actor who has little experience but looks the part very well. He is somewhat, cocky.

Jack is meeting Bob at Bob’s office because the producers of the movie he is in sent him an e-mail telling him that the director wants to meet with him to talk about the script.

Ext. Downtown Los Angeles. A bright yellow taxi cab pulls up to the curb of a large skyscraper. A man gets out of the cab with a confident smile on his face as he looks up at the skyscraper. This is Jack.

Cut to: Jack’s view of the skyscraper as he looks up. He walks in through the front doors and enters a spacious lobby with a receptionist’s desk in the center inline with the doors. Jack walks up to the receptionist smiling warmly.

Jack
Hi, I’m Jack Tretner. I’m here to see Bob Hugh.

The receptionist searches through on her computer.

Receptionist
Mm hmm. Let’s see… here you are. Yes, that’s the
18th floor room 12. The elevators are over there.

She points to the far left, and we see several elevators lined together on a wall.

Jack
Thanks.

Jack walks over to the elevators.

Int. Skyscraper 18th floor.

Jack walks up to room number 12 and knocks on the door.

Bob
Come in.

Jack opens the door and we see Bob’s office. Bob is sitting at his desk in the back and center of the room. there is a large bookshelf to the right of the door, a filing cabinet and a large window across the room, and a white board on the opposite wall of the desk. Bob is sitting at his chair behind his desk looking through a script. Jack hoping Bob would be more responsive, decides not to lose his enthusiasm.

Jack
Hi, how you doing?

Bob looks up then back down at the script.

Bob
(Slightly Sarcastic) Excellent.

Bob stands up, walks around the desk and sits on it.

Bob
Do you have your script with you?

Jack
Oh, yes of course. Right here.

Jack holds up the script in his hand.

Bob
Good. Before we begin do you have any questions?

Jack
Um, yeah what are we doing?

Bob
What did they tell you we were doing?

Jack
Uh… they said that the director-you wanted…to…meet…

Bob
Specifically what did they say?

Jack
They said, “The Director won’t leave us alone until he
can have a meeting with you.”

Bob
Of course. Well I guess I might as well be honest with you,
I don’t want you for the part. The Producers told me that you
were getting the part, and I don’t have any say in the matter.
So I told them that I at the very least want to meet with you
and discuss character development. The fact of the matter is
that I just don’t think you have the dramatic talent and skills
to portray this character in a realistic and dynamic manner.

Jack stares at Bob trying not to look confused.

Jack
Uh-huh.

Bob
You don’t know what I’m saying do you, Jack?

Jack
Not really. No.

Bob
Ehh… Okay. I don’t know what technique, or method you use,
or what your process is…

Jack
Process?

Bob
Yes. Process, the individual process an actor uses
to create a role in a movie or play?

Jack
Right.

Bob
(A beat) Exactly, how many productions
have you been in, Mr. Tretner?

By this time Jack’s eyes have been wandering around to different trinkets and memorabilia around the room. He wanders over and starts to play with a toy space ship.

Could you not do that? Please.

Jack
Sorry what was the question?

Bob
Productions. How many productions have you been in?

Jack
Productions?

Bob
Oh, bloody. (A beat) A production is a play or
film or perhaps television show?

Jack
Oh. Then that would be none.

Bob stands in disgusted silence. He walks over back behind his desk opens a drawer and pulls out a script.

Bob
Well then let’s forget that conversation ever happened
and move onto the read-through of the script.
In case you don’t know that means, it means that you
and I will read through your scenes of this script. I happen
to have the set of a park from a recent play I directed so
we can use that. Follow me.

Bob opens another door and turns on a light. There is a set of park with a bench and some trees.

Jack
Nice. This is pretty legit.

Bob
Yes. Very well then, let’s begin.

Bob and Jack both sit on the park bench.

(Reading) Ext. Central Park. New York, New York.
Max and Julie are sitting on a park bench laughing
and enjoying one another’s company…

Jack starts laughing hysterically and Bob is obviously disturbed.

All right… Moving on. (Reading Julie’s part)
Oh Max, you are so funny! So, where
did you go to school?

Jack
(Extremely cocky) I went to Yale University.

Bob
He’s not quite that, cocky. Try it again.

Jack
(Does it the same way) I went to Yale University.

Bob
Okay. That’s… good.

Bob writes a few notes on his script.

Let’s take a look at another scene. Page 42. Now what can you tell me
about your character in this scene?


Jack
Well, he is very cold.

Bob
What?

Jack
My character is cold.

Bob
How’d you come up with that?

Jack
The worksheet my coach gave me…

Bob
Your coach?

Jack
Yeah my acting coach. I found him online.

Bob
Okay… and what did he say?

Jack
His worksheet says, “What is your character’s physical state?; Hot, cold, hungry, tired, etc.” So, I picked cold.

Bob
You picked cold? Oh that’s great. That’s just wonderful! You picked cold! Never mind the writer’s intentions of the scene. Never mind that the setting for this scene is on the 26th floor of a Los Angeles skyscraper in the middle of freaking July! Never mind that your character isn’t sick with the flu, you picked cold! And why did you pick cold?

Jack
(Admitting) Cuz my character has the flu?

Bob
O-kay. Where’d you get that idea?

Jack
Well in the script Jon says to me, “You should sit down.” See? (He points to the script). It says, “Jon looks at Max for a moment,” then says, “You should sit down.”

Bob
Yes, he says that because he’s about to tell the bloke some bad news! You know? Sit down, this may shock you type of thing? Not sit down you look like you have the flu!!


Jack
Ohh. (A beat) Then I guess my physical state would be that I’m tired.

Bob
All right then. Let’s try that out. I’ll read Jon’s part, from the top. (Reading) “Interior. Building. Boardroom. Twenty sixth floor, Los Angeles. Tom is looking out a window when Jon walks in.” “Hey, Tom, how are you?”

Jack
(Reading) “I’m well, Jon. What are you doing here?

Bob
(Reading) Can’t I visit an old friend?

Jack
(Reading) Yes you can. But you better find one first.

Bob
Okay. What’re you doing?

Jack
What?

Bob
You better find one first? That’s not in the script.

Jack
I know. It’s Improv. A little ad-libbing.

Bob
Ad-what-ing?

Jack
Ad-libbing.

Bob
Okay. Yes, I know the bloody term, but usually you ad-lib something that actually makes sense to the scene. These characters are friends, not enemies. Did you think that they were enemies?

Jack sits in silence.

Very well then, what made you think they were enemies?

Jack
You said he was telling him some bad news.




Bob
Well yes, but he told him to sit down before, and he came to the bloke’s
birthday party two scenes before. He gave him an Aston Martin!

Jack
There you go. He gave him a British car, British car’s suck. I hate them.

Bob
Don’t tell me that!

Bob takes a deep breath to compose himself, as he writes some more notes.

Alright let’s continue the scene. No more ad-libbing. (Reading)
“Okay Tom, I admit I’m not here just to say hi. Unfortunately
I have some bad news.

Jack
(Reading, uninterestedly) What is it?

Bob
By the way feel free to show us that you character is “tired” at any moment. (Reading) “You should sit down, Max.”

Jack
(Overacts being tired, yawning, etc.) “All right then. Whatever it is, Jon, make it quick. I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”

Bob
Oh, for the love!!

Bob writes down some more notes on his script.

Jack
What are you writing, there?

Bob
Oh this? It’s just a few notes I’m taking so that I can show the producers how ridiculously stupid it would be for them to have you in this multi-million dollar budget movie!

Jack
Okay, look! I’m sorry I’m not this great lesbian prodigy I…

Bob
Wait, what? Did you say, “Lesbian prodigy?”

Jack
Yeah. You know?


Bob
Do you mean “Thespian prodigy?”

Jack
(A beat) Um. Maybe. Anyway, I know I’m not a “Thespian prodigy but…

Bob
I’m not asking for a prodigy, I… You really thought it was “Lesbian?”

Jack
I don’t know I thought it was one of those words with two meanings.

Bob
Well, I’m certainly glad you didn’t think they were one and the same.

Jack
Can we drop this?

Bob
Okay. Okay. (A beat) Lesbians! (He laughs) Alright, alright I’m okay. What I’m trying to say, and you’re making it very hard, is that I’m not asking for a prodigy. I just want a good actor that looks the part. You’re not even the right age for the part.

Jack
The producers said it would be better if the character was my age.

Bob
Yeah well, the producers are almost as stupid as you are!

Jack
Oh ho, really? Okay then.

Jack takes out a pen and writes some notes on his script.

Bob
What are you doing?

Jack
(Imitating Bob’s accent) Oh, this? Oh just a few notes I’m taking so that I can show the producers how ridiculously tyrannical the stupid Australian director is!

Bob
You think you… what? Did you say Australian?

Jack
Duh!



Bob
I’m not Australian. I’m British you twit.

Jack
Yeah right. With a name like that?

Bob
And what exactly do you think my name is?

Jack
Bob. As in Bobby, like (Imitates Bob again) put another shrimp on the Bobby?

Bob stares at him stupefied.

And what’s your last name, Bobby?

Bob
Hugh.

Jack
Bobby Hugh? (Laughs, then imitates the accent again) Bobby Hugh? Put the shrimp on the Bobby Hugh! (He laughs again then starts to sing) Little Bobby, Hugh, rode a kangaroo, all the way to school. He never had a mate, because he is irate. One day he got in a fight and he lost his vegemite…

Bob
I’m not Australian!!

Bob furiously writes down some more notes.

Jack
Oh, don’t get your lederhosen in a twist!
Bob looks up in complete disgust.

Bob
Are literally that stupid? Did you have to go to a special type of school to
get as stupid as you are?! I mean, honestly, are you going to combine
and stereotype every single European civilization? You and your stupid
American generalizations you think that you’re the most sophisticated
person in the world because you happen to live in a young superpower
nation that you contribute absolutely nothing to! So in reality you just leech
off of the genius and talent of others and squander your loot like a mad man!

Jack looks at his script as if to write some notes.







Jack
Okay, I’m not exactly sure what you just said, but I felt like I
should have been offended so I’m just gonna put that you yelled
at me for no reason, unless you want to repeat that for my tape
recorder and the producers can just translate it later.

Bob
Tape recorder? What is this 1992? Why don’t you pull out your Gameboy and your silly putty while you’re at it? I see you’ve got on your doc martins, and where are your aviator glasses? Hmm?

Jack
Okay. That’s it. I have heard enough out of you, it’s go time!

Bob
Oh good. It’s about time you left.

Jack
I don’t think you understand, matey. You and I are having a smack down.
A rumble in the Bronx!

Bob
Oh I see. You want a little scuffle, do you?

Jack
What? No, I wanna fight you.

Bob
Oh, there is so much fuel for my rage.

Jack
Bring it on, Nancy!

Bob
Well you got one right!

Bob and Jack both lunge at each other and struggle to wrestle each other to the ground.
At first neither of them actually moves very much as their arms are locked up with each other.

(Struggling) You’re going down you barmy brute!

Jack
(Imitating accent) I don’t think so you scurvy scum!

Bob
I’m not… a bloody… pirate!



Bob knees Jack in the stomach and trips him onto the ground.
He advances towards Jack, ready to punch.

Jack
Wait! Wait! Wait! Not the face!

Bob stops just before he hits Jack in the face. He starts punching Jacks
stomach but Jack rolls him over on his back.

That’s right! Now you’re getting spit on.

Jack makes a hocking sound in his throat, but Bob knees him in the groin and the sound turns into a high pitched squeal. Bob pushes Jack out of the way and stands up.

Bob
That’s enough! I didn’t want to have to do that but you forced my hand,
or knee as it were. Anyway, I’m sending these notes to the producers
and when they see what an incompetent bugger you are, you’ll be fired.

Jack has been lying on the ground curled up in pain but at this point he begins to stand up.

Jack
No. I’m not finished.

Jack slowly waddles, with his knees close together, towards Bob.

Bob
Look at you. You won’t give up!

Jack
Not… until… I beat… your face in.

Jack falls on his knees as he reaches Bob. (Bob has an idea) Bob slowly backs away from Jack, as Jack walks on his knees toward Bob.
Bob
I’m sorry mate. You don’t stand a chance. You’re completely beaten.
Life has thrown one too many curveballs at you, and no matter
what you do you cannot overcome this.

Jack
I don’t care what life throws at me, I’m never going to give up,
and I’ll show you that!

Bob
Do you want me to kneel down so you can reach my face?



Jack thinks for a moment.

Jack
If you would, please?

Bob starts laughing.

Bob
Well there you go then. This is amazing. You’ve one my approval.
Bob scribbles out the notes on his script.

Jack
What are you talking about?

Bob
I didn’t think you had it in you. You see, your character, Max, isn’t as
arrogant as you first seemed to be. He has a lot of heart, and I
wanted to see if you could portray that. If not I was going to send
the Producers a lengthy e-mail explaining why we should go in a different
direction for the casting of your character. But now I’m not going to give
you any more rubbish. You’ve won my approval. Anyone who stands
up to me like that deserves my respect.

Jack
So, you won’t try to get rid of me?

Bob
Not anymore.

Jack
And you don’t hate me?

Bob
I wouldn’t go that far, but you could say that I don’t completely hate you.
I hate you a lot less than I did before. Come now; let’s go get some ice for our wounds. We can go get a drink at the bar.
Jack stands up slowly and Bob helps him walk.

Jack
Okay, but when we get to the bar I’m not doing any river dancing.

Bob
Oh, bloody.

Jack and Bob walk out of the office and back into the real world.