Beauty and the Beast Movie

Not long after the theatrical release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 it was announced that none other than Emma Watson would play the part of Belle in a new movie about the Beauty and the Beast. Guillermo Del Toro who is known for such films as Hellboy Movies and Pan's Labyrinth is set to direct these movies. These two individual's involvement in the project seem to be the only for sure things as of right now. Having just finished the Harry Potter franchise, Emma Watson has said, and I'm paraphrasing, that she has grown so close to her character that she has forgotten what it's like to act. She seemingly is excited for more opportunities to be in films and extend her range of playable characters. It looks like the new Beauty and the Beast movie will be a good opportunity for her to change things up, except for the fact that it takes place in a castle. From what I have read it appears that it will be a more classical take on the fairy tale which according to wikipedia was originally written by Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve. There have been a large variety of Beauty and the Beast movies and tv shows so it will be interesting to see how this one turns out. I think that a classical take is a very good idea. Especially in a visual sense. I remember watching the Disney version as a kid and now I think that I would love to see a visually engaging classical version of Beauty and the Beast. In addition to that there has just been a release of a more modern version of the story in the Vanessa Hudgens and Alex Pettyfer movie, "Beastly," so a more classical tale would look more intriguing, I think, anyway. With Watson's acting talents and Del Toro's clear ability to display excellent visuals I think that so far this is looking to be a great movie. I typically don't get into the romantic type flicks especially when there not comedies, but Beauty and the Beast has potential. It's a compelling and relatable story that when combined with some awesome visual effects, great scenery, and just the right amount of comedic relief could be an exceptional movie.

Actor's Process

The Actor’s Process

Comedy

By Jacob Long

Bob Hugh-British Movie Director that has the chance to direct his own movie that he has wanted to make for the last 10 years.

Jack Tretner- A model turned actor who has little experience but looks the part very well. He is somewhat, cocky.

Jack is meeting Bob at Bob’s office because the producers of the movie he is in sent him an e-mail telling him that the director wants to meet with him to talk about the script.

Ext. Downtown Los Angeles. A bright yellow taxi cab pulls up to the curb of a large skyscraper. A man gets out of the cab with a confident smile on his face as he looks up at the skyscraper. This is Jack.

Cut to: Jack’s view of the skyscraper as he looks up. He walks in through the front doors and enters a spacious lobby with a receptionist’s desk in the center inline with the doors. Jack walks up to the receptionist smiling warmly.

Jack
Hi, I’m Jack Tretner. I’m here to see Bob Hugh.

The receptionist searches through on her computer.

Receptionist
Mm hmm. Let’s see… here you are. Yes, that’s the
18th floor room 12. The elevators are over there.

She points to the far left, and we see several elevators lined together on a wall.

Jack
Thanks.

Jack walks over to the elevators.

Int. Skyscraper 18th floor.

Jack walks up to room number 12 and knocks on the door.

Bob
Come in.

Jack opens the door and we see Bob’s office. Bob is sitting at his desk in the back and center of the room. there is a large bookshelf to the right of the door, a filing cabinet and a large window across the room, and a white board on the opposite wall of the desk. Bob is sitting at his chair behind his desk looking through a script. Jack hoping Bob would be more responsive, decides not to lose his enthusiasm.

Jack
Hi, how you doing?

Bob looks up then back down at the script.

Bob
(Slightly Sarcastic) Excellent.

Bob stands up, walks around the desk and sits on it.

Bob
Do you have your script with you?

Jack
Oh, yes of course. Right here.

Jack holds up the script in his hand.

Bob
Good. Before we begin do you have any questions?

Jack
Um, yeah what are we doing?

Bob
What did they tell you we were doing?

Jack
Uh… they said that the director-you wanted…to…meet…

Bob
Specifically what did they say?

Jack
They said, “The Director won’t leave us alone until he
can have a meeting with you.”

Bob
Of course. Well I guess I might as well be honest with you,
I don’t want you for the part. The Producers told me that you
were getting the part, and I don’t have any say in the matter.
So I told them that I at the very least want to meet with you
and discuss character development. The fact of the matter is
that I just don’t think you have the dramatic talent and skills
to portray this character in a realistic and dynamic manner.

Jack stares at Bob trying not to look confused.

Jack
Uh-huh.

Bob
You don’t know what I’m saying do you, Jack?

Jack
Not really. No.

Bob
Ehh… Okay. I don’t know what technique, or method you use,
or what your process is…

Jack
Process?

Bob
Yes. Process, the individual process an actor uses
to create a role in a movie or play?

Jack
Right.

Bob
(A beat) Exactly, how many productions
have you been in, Mr. Tretner?

By this time Jack’s eyes have been wandering around to different trinkets and memorabilia around the room. He wanders over and starts to play with a toy space ship.

Could you not do that? Please.

Jack
Sorry what was the question?

Bob
Productions. How many productions have you been in?

Jack
Productions?

Bob
Oh, bloody. (A beat) A production is a play or
film or perhaps television show?

Jack
Oh. Then that would be none.

Bob stands in disgusted silence. He walks over back behind his desk opens a drawer and pulls out a script.

Bob
Well then let’s forget that conversation ever happened
and move onto the read-through of the script.
In case you don’t know that means, it means that you
and I will read through your scenes of this script. I happen
to have the set of a park from a recent play I directed so
we can use that. Follow me.

Bob opens another door and turns on a light. There is a set of park with a bench and some trees.

Jack
Nice. This is pretty legit.

Bob
Yes. Very well then, let’s begin.

Bob and Jack both sit on the park bench.

(Reading) Ext. Central Park. New York, New York.
Max and Julie are sitting on a park bench laughing
and enjoying one another’s company…

Jack starts laughing hysterically and Bob is obviously disturbed.

All right… Moving on. (Reading Julie’s part)
Oh Max, you are so funny! So, where
did you go to school?

Jack
(Extremely cocky) I went to Yale University.

Bob
He’s not quite that, cocky. Try it again.

Jack
(Does it the same way) I went to Yale University.

Bob
Okay. That’s… good.

Bob writes a few notes on his script.

Let’s take a look at another scene. Page 42. Now what can you tell me
about your character in this scene?


Jack
Well, he is very cold.

Bob
What?

Jack
My character is cold.

Bob
How’d you come up with that?

Jack
The worksheet my coach gave me…

Bob
Your coach?

Jack
Yeah my acting coach. I found him online.

Bob
Okay… and what did he say?

Jack
His worksheet says, “What is your character’s physical state?; Hot, cold, hungry, tired, etc.” So, I picked cold.

Bob
You picked cold? Oh that’s great. That’s just wonderful! You picked cold! Never mind the writer’s intentions of the scene. Never mind that the setting for this scene is on the 26th floor of a Los Angeles skyscraper in the middle of freaking July! Never mind that your character isn’t sick with the flu, you picked cold! And why did you pick cold?

Jack
(Admitting) Cuz my character has the flu?

Bob
O-kay. Where’d you get that idea?

Jack
Well in the script Jon says to me, “You should sit down.” See? (He points to the script). It says, “Jon looks at Max for a moment,” then says, “You should sit down.”

Bob
Yes, he says that because he’s about to tell the bloke some bad news! You know? Sit down, this may shock you type of thing? Not sit down you look like you have the flu!!


Jack
Ohh. (A beat) Then I guess my physical state would be that I’m tired.

Bob
All right then. Let’s try that out. I’ll read Jon’s part, from the top. (Reading) “Interior. Building. Boardroom. Twenty sixth floor, Los Angeles. Tom is looking out a window when Jon walks in.” “Hey, Tom, how are you?”

Jack
(Reading) “I’m well, Jon. What are you doing here?

Bob
(Reading) Can’t I visit an old friend?

Jack
(Reading) Yes you can. But you better find one first.

Bob
Okay. What’re you doing?

Jack
What?

Bob
You better find one first? That’s not in the script.

Jack
I know. It’s Improv. A little ad-libbing.

Bob
Ad-what-ing?

Jack
Ad-libbing.

Bob
Okay. Yes, I know the bloody term, but usually you ad-lib something that actually makes sense to the scene. These characters are friends, not enemies. Did you think that they were enemies?

Jack sits in silence.

Very well then, what made you think they were enemies?

Jack
You said he was telling him some bad news.




Bob
Well yes, but he told him to sit down before, and he came to the bloke’s
birthday party two scenes before. He gave him an Aston Martin!

Jack
There you go. He gave him a British car, British car’s suck. I hate them.

Bob
Don’t tell me that!

Bob takes a deep breath to compose himself, as he writes some more notes.

Alright let’s continue the scene. No more ad-libbing. (Reading)
“Okay Tom, I admit I’m not here just to say hi. Unfortunately
I have some bad news.

Jack
(Reading, uninterestedly) What is it?

Bob
By the way feel free to show us that you character is “tired” at any moment. (Reading) “You should sit down, Max.”

Jack
(Overacts being tired, yawning, etc.) “All right then. Whatever it is, Jon, make it quick. I don’t know how much longer I can wait.”

Bob
Oh, for the love!!

Bob writes down some more notes on his script.

Jack
What are you writing, there?

Bob
Oh this? It’s just a few notes I’m taking so that I can show the producers how ridiculously stupid it would be for them to have you in this multi-million dollar budget movie!

Jack
Okay, look! I’m sorry I’m not this great lesbian prodigy I…

Bob
Wait, what? Did you say, “Lesbian prodigy?”

Jack
Yeah. You know?


Bob
Do you mean “Thespian prodigy?”

Jack
(A beat) Um. Maybe. Anyway, I know I’m not a “Thespian prodigy but…

Bob
I’m not asking for a prodigy, I… You really thought it was “Lesbian?”

Jack
I don’t know I thought it was one of those words with two meanings.

Bob
Well, I’m certainly glad you didn’t think they were one and the same.

Jack
Can we drop this?

Bob
Okay. Okay. (A beat) Lesbians! (He laughs) Alright, alright I’m okay. What I’m trying to say, and you’re making it very hard, is that I’m not asking for a prodigy. I just want a good actor that looks the part. You’re not even the right age for the part.

Jack
The producers said it would be better if the character was my age.

Bob
Yeah well, the producers are almost as stupid as you are!

Jack
Oh ho, really? Okay then.

Jack takes out a pen and writes some notes on his script.

Bob
What are you doing?

Jack
(Imitating Bob’s accent) Oh, this? Oh just a few notes I’m taking so that I can show the producers how ridiculously tyrannical the stupid Australian director is!

Bob
You think you… what? Did you say Australian?

Jack
Duh!



Bob
I’m not Australian. I’m British you twit.

Jack
Yeah right. With a name like that?

Bob
And what exactly do you think my name is?

Jack
Bob. As in Bobby, like (Imitates Bob again) put another shrimp on the Bobby?

Bob stares at him stupefied.

And what’s your last name, Bobby?

Bob
Hugh.

Jack
Bobby Hugh? (Laughs, then imitates the accent again) Bobby Hugh? Put the shrimp on the Bobby Hugh! (He laughs again then starts to sing) Little Bobby, Hugh, rode a kangaroo, all the way to school. He never had a mate, because he is irate. One day he got in a fight and he lost his vegemite…

Bob
I’m not Australian!!

Bob furiously writes down some more notes.

Jack
Oh, don’t get your lederhosen in a twist!
Bob looks up in complete disgust.

Bob
Are literally that stupid? Did you have to go to a special type of school to
get as stupid as you are?! I mean, honestly, are you going to combine
and stereotype every single European civilization? You and your stupid
American generalizations you think that you’re the most sophisticated
person in the world because you happen to live in a young superpower
nation that you contribute absolutely nothing to! So in reality you just leech
off of the genius and talent of others and squander your loot like a mad man!

Jack looks at his script as if to write some notes.







Jack
Okay, I’m not exactly sure what you just said, but I felt like I
should have been offended so I’m just gonna put that you yelled
at me for no reason, unless you want to repeat that for my tape
recorder and the producers can just translate it later.

Bob
Tape recorder? What is this 1992? Why don’t you pull out your Gameboy and your silly putty while you’re at it? I see you’ve got on your doc martins, and where are your aviator glasses? Hmm?

Jack
Okay. That’s it. I have heard enough out of you, it’s go time!

Bob
Oh good. It’s about time you left.

Jack
I don’t think you understand, matey. You and I are having a smack down.
A rumble in the Bronx!

Bob
Oh I see. You want a little scuffle, do you?

Jack
What? No, I wanna fight you.

Bob
Oh, there is so much fuel for my rage.

Jack
Bring it on, Nancy!

Bob
Well you got one right!

Bob and Jack both lunge at each other and struggle to wrestle each other to the ground.
At first neither of them actually moves very much as their arms are locked up with each other.

(Struggling) You’re going down you barmy brute!

Jack
(Imitating accent) I don’t think so you scurvy scum!

Bob
I’m not… a bloody… pirate!



Bob knees Jack in the stomach and trips him onto the ground.
He advances towards Jack, ready to punch.

Jack
Wait! Wait! Wait! Not the face!

Bob stops just before he hits Jack in the face. He starts punching Jacks
stomach but Jack rolls him over on his back.

That’s right! Now you’re getting spit on.

Jack makes a hocking sound in his throat, but Bob knees him in the groin and the sound turns into a high pitched squeal. Bob pushes Jack out of the way and stands up.

Bob
That’s enough! I didn’t want to have to do that but you forced my hand,
or knee as it were. Anyway, I’m sending these notes to the producers
and when they see what an incompetent bugger you are, you’ll be fired.

Jack has been lying on the ground curled up in pain but at this point he begins to stand up.

Jack
No. I’m not finished.

Jack slowly waddles, with his knees close together, towards Bob.

Bob
Look at you. You won’t give up!

Jack
Not… until… I beat… your face in.

Jack falls on his knees as he reaches Bob. (Bob has an idea) Bob slowly backs away from Jack, as Jack walks on his knees toward Bob.
Bob
I’m sorry mate. You don’t stand a chance. You’re completely beaten.
Life has thrown one too many curveballs at you, and no matter
what you do you cannot overcome this.

Jack
I don’t care what life throws at me, I’m never going to give up,
and I’ll show you that!

Bob
Do you want me to kneel down so you can reach my face?



Jack thinks for a moment.

Jack
If you would, please?

Bob starts laughing.

Bob
Well there you go then. This is amazing. You’ve one my approval.
Bob scribbles out the notes on his script.

Jack
What are you talking about?

Bob
I didn’t think you had it in you. You see, your character, Max, isn’t as
arrogant as you first seemed to be. He has a lot of heart, and I
wanted to see if you could portray that. If not I was going to send
the Producers a lengthy e-mail explaining why we should go in a different
direction for the casting of your character. But now I’m not going to give
you any more rubbish. You’ve won my approval. Anyone who stands
up to me like that deserves my respect.

Jack
So, you won’t try to get rid of me?

Bob
Not anymore.

Jack
And you don’t hate me?

Bob
I wouldn’t go that far, but you could say that I don’t completely hate you.
I hate you a lot less than I did before. Come now; let’s go get some ice for our wounds. We can go get a drink at the bar.
Jack stands up slowly and Bob helps him walk.

Jack
Okay, but when we get to the bar I’m not doing any river dancing.

Bob
Oh, bloody.

Jack and Bob walk out of the office and back into the real world.

Sonny with a Fake Jake

This is an episode of the former Disney Channel show, "Sonny with a Chance," that I wrote a few months before they cancelled the show. Unfortunately the show's star, Demi Lovato was going through some difficult personal times and it was too much for her at the time. Anyway though, I wasn't sure how to get the producers to see it, and then the show ended, but it's all good. I hear Demi is doing better and that's more important. So without any further blabber here it is.

Sonny with a chance

Sonny with a Fake Jake
Episode Written by: Jake Long

INT. STUDIO HALLWAY. SONNY WALKING DOWN THE HALL TOWARDS CHAD’S ROOM FULL OF PEP AND SINGING.

SONNY
Chad, Chaddy, Chad, Chad, Chaddy, Chad Chad, Chad-choree
where or where can my Chad be?

SONNY OPENS THE DOOR TO CHAD’S ROOM AS SHE FINISHES HER SONG.

CHAD
Shh. Sonny, come over here.

CHAD PAUSES THE SHOW HE’S WATCHING.

SONNY
You shh’ed me. I was singing about you.

CHAD
Oh. Sorry, but you need to see this.

CHAD TURNS THE SHOW BACK ON. THERE’S A HOST TALKING ABOUT AN ACTOR.

MALLORY (SHOW HOST)
Today’s interview is with an up and coming actor, he made his feature film debut in the critically acclaimed, “International Treasure.”

A CLIP OF “International Treasure,” PLAYS. WE SEE A YOUNG MAN PLAYED BY JAKE DARYN JENSEN WITH A YOUNG LADY IN A LIBRARY.

THOMAS FENCES (JAKE IN MOVIE CLIP)
I have to do something very risky, Francesca.
I have to kidnap the Pope!

MUSIC PLAYS, “DUN! DUN! DUN!” CHAD PAUSES THE SHOW.

CHAD
See?

SONNY
See what?

CHAD
He’s stealing my career!

SONNY
Ohh. (a beat) Dun! Dun! Dun!

CHAD
Oh, you make jokes now, but you’ll see.

CHAD TURNS THE SHOW BACK ON.

MALLORY (SHOW HOST)
And now he is starring in the new and popular primetime series,
“Mackintosh Peaks.” Ladies and Gentleman,
please welcome, Jake Daryn Jensen!

AUDIENCE APPLAUDS AS JAKE ENTERS.

SONNY
What’s the big deal?

CHAD
Wait for it.

MALLORY
Hollywood has a new “It” boy. Watch out Chad Dylan Cooper!

SONNY
Oh, no.

CHAD
I know!

OPENING SONG AND CREDITS.

INTERVIEW CONTINUES.

MALLORY
We’re glad to have you with us, Jake.

JAKE
Well, I’m glad to be here, Mallory.

MALLORY
A lot of things have been happening for you lately, Jake.
How do you handle all of the work and attention?

JAKE
I just take it one day at a time. That way I can do anything.

MALLORY
But there must be some challenge with those bigger roles.

JAKE
Whenever I see my rolls getting too big (motioning to his stomach)
I just head straight for the treadmill.

THE AUDIENCE LAUGHS. CHAD TURNS THE SHOW OFF.

CHAD
I cant’ take any more of it.

SONNY
So what? He’s just another actor. That doesn’t
take anything away from you.

CHAD
Oh whatever Sonny.

HE BURIES HIMSELF IN THE COUCH.

SONNY
(a beat) You’re probably right, Chad. He is
nicer than you, when you started out.

CHAD REMOVES HIS FACE FROM THE PILLOW TO LOOK AT SONNY.

CHAD
Huh?

SONNY
And he’s funny, and charming, and he also…


CHAD
What are you doing!!!

SONNY
Reverse psychology. I didn’t think you would take it that seriously.

CUT TO INT. PROP HOUSE. NICO, GRADY, ZORA, AND TAWNI PLAYING HANGMAN. TAWNI’S AT THE CHALK BOARD AND THE OTHER 3 ARE GUESSING. BEFORE WE SEE THE BOARD AND TAWNI WE SEE NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA’S BLANK FACES.

NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA
Uhhh?

WE SEE THE BOARD AND IT READS, “ _ AWNI HA_ _

TAWNI
Oh, come on!

NICO
T?

TAWNI WRITES IN THE T’S.

ZORA
Oh! Oh. Tawni Hart.

Grady
Who’s Tawni Hart? Ohh. (a beat) You said it was a famous person.

TAWNI
I am famous!

NICO
Kind of.

TAWNI
Kind of? How can you be kind of famous?

NICO
I don’t know you tell me.

NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA
Ohh!

ALL 3 OF THEM GIVE EACH OTHER HIGH FIVES WHILE TAWNI LOOKS ON IN FRUSTRATION.


TAWNI
O.K. No more games. Let’s just watch T.V.

THEY SIT BY EACH OTHER, TAWNI ABOUT TO TURN ON THE T.V. JUST AS SONNY AND CHAD ENTER THE ROOM.

SONNY
Hey guys, I need your help. We have to cheer Chad up.

TAWNI
We’re not very cheery right now, so you can watch
T.V. with us or you can go back the way you came.

SONNY
Okay. Come on Chad.

CHAD, SONNY, TAWNI, NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA ALL SQUISH TOGETHER ON THE COUCH. THEY SHUFFLE UNCOMFORTABLY FOR A BIT. THEN TAWNI TURNS ON THE T.V. WITH THE REMOTE. IT’S THE SAME INTERVIEW CONTINUING.

MALLORY
Tell us more about Mackintosh Peaks.

BACK TO EVERYONE.

CHAD
Oh, great.

CHAD TRIES TO GET UP BUT SONNY PULLS HIM BACK DOWN.

SONNY
Just sit down. It’s probably lame anyway.

BACK TO THE INTERVIEW.

JAKE
It’s really about a turning point in a young man’s life
where he has to decide what’s important to him, as
a person. He needs to do what he feels is right.

SHOT OF EVERYONE ON COUCH. EVERYONE EXCEPT CHAD, TOUCHED BY THE MESSAGE.

GROUP
Awe.

CHAD’S DISGUSTED, ESPECIALLY WITH SONNY. BACK TO THE INTERVIEW.


MALLORY
(Crying) That’s wonderful. We have a clip from the show. Here it is.

THE CLIP PLAYS. WE SEE A BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAIN AND FOCUS IN ON A YOUNG WOMAN HANGING ON THE EDGE OF A CLIFF AND SCREAMING FOR HELP.

ALLISON
Help! Please! Somebody, help me!

MACKINTOSH RUNS TO HER AND PULLS HER UP.

MACKINTOSH (JAKE)
It’s okay. I’ve got you now.

ALLISON
Oh, Mackintosh. I knew it would be you.
But why? Why would you save me?

MACKINTOSH (JAKE IN SHOW CLIP)
Because, Allison. My family may own these
mountains, but you’re family sells the ski lifts
that bring the tourists up them.

BACK TO CHAD AND THE RANDOMS.

CHAD
Wow! (a beat) That was amazing!

RANDOMS
What?

SONNY
Chad, he stole your story.


CHAD
No, no Sonny. My story is about water falls
and bottled water. This guy has taken dramatic
acting to the next level.

ZORA
Could any of this have to do with the “Jake Daryn Jensen”
trivia on the bottom of the screen?

NICO
What do you mean?


ZORA
Look!

AS SHE POINTS TO THE SCREEN WE SEE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE INTERVIEW THERE’S A SPACE THAT SAYS JAKE DARYN JENSEN TRIVIA, AND UNDER IT STATES, “JAKE DARYN JENSEN ADMITS THAT HIS ROLE MODEL ACTOR IS CHAD DYLAN COOPER.

SONNY
Chad, that is pathetic.

GRADY
Wait a minute. (Reading) Jake Daryn Jensen’s
home town is Hayward, Wisconsin.

SONNY
Wisconsin! Wow! That’s where I’m from!
Of course you guys already knew that.

BACK TO THE INTERVIEW.

JAKE
And I just found out today, that tomorrow I’m going
to be a guest star on the sketch show, So Random!

BACK TO EVERYBODY.

NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA
Wow!

TAWNI STILL GRUMPY.

NICO
Tawni, you’re not a little bit excited?

BACK TO THE INTERVIEW.

JAKE
And I’m buying all of the cast members new convertibles.

BACK TO EVERYBODY.

EVERYBODY
Wow!

CHAD IS A BIT JEALOUS WHEREAS THE OTHERS ARE EXCITED.

THE NEXT DAY. THE SO RANDOMS ARE HUSTLING ABOUT PREPARING FOR THE DAY. CHAD IS CONVENIENTLY HANGING AROUND THEIR SETS. INT HALLWAY CHAD STOPS TO TALK TO AN IMAGINARY PERSON.

CHAD
No. No. It’s the least I could do.
You’re quite the role model yourself.

TAWNI WALKS OUT INTO THE HALLWAY AND OBSERVES HIM FOR A SECOND.

TAWNI
Uh. Chad?

NO RESPONSE. SHE GETS RIGHT BEHIND HIM.

Are you looking for Sonny!

CHAD
What? No. I mean yeah. Yes. Do
you know where I can find her?

TAWNI
Yeah, she’s in the Prop House setting up a cheese tasting stand.

CHAD
O-kay

CHAD WALKS OFF AND TAWNI WAITS UNTIL HE’S GONE, THEN SHE TAKES A CHAIR AND SITS WITH HER HANDS UP AS IF ON A STEERING WHEEL.

TAWNI
(To an imaginary person). Yeah I just got it, today.
What’s that? How fast can it go zero to sixty? Why
don’t you hop in and we’ll find out. (Laughs).

CUT TO INT PROP ROOM. SONNY PREPARING A TABLE OF CHEESE. CHAD WALKS IN.

CHAD
Hello muh-lady. Watcha doin?


SONNY
Just preparing some snacks for the cast and crew.

CHAD
Uh-huh. Seems to be a lot of cheese.

SONNY
We like our cheese… Here at So Random.

CHAD IS OBSERVING THE CHEESE.

CHAD
You know who really likes Cheese? People from Wisconsin!

SONNY
Yep, and that’s where I’m from. As they
say in Wisconsin, “Mm, mm, cheesy.”

CHAD
You sure you didn’t just make that up?

SONNY
Yes, I am.

CHAD
Really, Sonny? Really?

SONNY
Fine. They don’t say that. I’m just trying to give
Jake Daryn Jensen a Wisconsin welcome, okay?


CHAD
(A beat) Alright. Let’s see what ya got.

SONNY
Okay, I have everything from Gouda to Buddha.

SHE POINTS AT A BLOCK OF GOUDA THEN AT A CHEESE SCULPTURE OF BUDDHA.

This is Cheddar, Mozzarella, and Parmesan.
This is the cheese sauce fountain, and finally
(she grabs the handle to a metal pan covering and lifts it up).
this is Colby Jake, Pepper Jake, and Monterrey Jake.
(Cheese sculptures of Jake Daryn Jensen).

TAWNI, NICO, GRADY, AND ZORA WALK IN.

ZORA
Wow, Sonny. Nice cheese table. You went all out.

NICO
You’ve never made us a cheese table.

CHAD
Or me.

GRADY
Yeah, what if Chad was nice like Jake, then him and
Sonny would have been dating a long time ago.

NICO, TAWNI, AND ZORA
Yeah.

ZORA
Chad had so much potential.

CHAD
I’m right here!

SONNY
Don’t listen to them, Chad. You turned out just fine.

CHAD
Thanks, Sonny. But they’re right. I should have always been nicer.
I’m just glad for second chances. And now I have the opportunity to
learn from someone that not only has great taste in role models but
is also a really nice person.

JAKE DARYN JENSEN WALKS IN TALKING ON THE PHONE.

JAKE
Next time I go to a new studio I want a parking place
with my name on it! In fact why don’t you go
around to all of the studios in Hollywood, and get me a reserved parking spot at each
one, so that we never have to have this conversation, again!

JAKE HANGS UP HIS PHONE AND LOOKS AT SONNY, SMILING.

Hi, I’m Jake Daryn Jensen.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL. (IF YOU WANT TO YOUR SHOW YOUR CHOICE). BACK TO PROP HOUSE. EVERYONE STILL IN SHOCK. MARSHALL WALKS IN.

MARSHALL
Oh, good. I see you’ve all met Jake.

JAKE
Marshall, what’s wrong with these people? They’re
just staring at me. Are these manikins? I cannot
work with manikins, Marshall!

MARSHALL
No. No, they’re people they’re just really excited to see you.

MARSHALL MOVES SONNY AND CHAD’S JAWS UP AND DOWN.

Hi, Jake. Golly, it’s really swell to meet ya.

JAKE
Now I know you’re lying. (he pulls out his phone). Alfred, I need you to bring a skunk in here.

CHAD
Oh!

TAWNI
We’re all better!

SONNY
Yeah, see? We’re real people.

THEY ALL START MOVING SO HE WON’T SEND IN THE SKUNK.

JAKE
Never mind, Alfred. Also could you bring me a soda? No, I don’t care what kind. Of course diet. With a lemon, wait no lemon, never mind yes to the lemon.

AN OLDER MAN IN A SUIT WALKS IN WITH A SODA ON A TRAY.

ALFRED
Here you go, Sir.

JAKE TAKES THE DRINK.


JAKE
Didn’t I tell you to call me, Master Wayne?

ALFRED
Yes you did, Sir. (Emphasis on, “Sir”).

ALFRED TURNS AND STARTS WALKING OUT.

JAKE
Thanks, Alfred!

ALFRED
That’s not even my real name!

JAKE
(Let’s out a fake chuckle). Yeah, he’s fired.

MARSHALL
(A beat). Alright, Jake, you come with me and the rest of you have rehearsal.

SONNY
Isn’t he rehearsing with us?

JAKE
Afraid not little lady. I have a parking situation to resolve.
Don’t worry though, I have all of my lines right here. (points to his head)
I know this sketch like the back of my hand.

MARSHALL AND JAKE EXIT.

MARSHALL
Don’t worry I’m having Chuck come read for
Jake’s part in the rehearsal.

Everyone
Chuck, the Janitor? (In disbelief).

CUT TO INT MAIN STAGE. GROUP REHEARSING WITH CHUCK.

SONNY
O.K. Now that we’re all here we can begin.
Chad, will you read the stage directions?
(She holds out a script for him).

CHAD
What? The stage directions? Me?

SONNY
Please? Besides you’re not doing anything, anyway.

CHAD
Fine. (He takes the script). (Reading) INT MUSIC CONCERT.
TAWNI AT THE DRUMS. ZORA, GUITAR. SONNY SINGING “La La Land.”
NICO WALKS INTO FRAME AND LOOKS AT THE CAMERA.
THE MUSIC STOPS.

NICO WALKS INTO THE IMAGINARY FRAME AND REHEARSES.

NICO
Have you ever been to a concert and loved it so much
you wanted to save it forever, but you couldn’t?

CHAD (READING)
SWITCH OVER TO A DIFFERENT CONCERT.
GRADY SINGING ACAPELLA.

GRADY
Burp into my face, and I will taste, just what you had for lunch.

CHAD
(READING) JAKE WALKS INTO FRAME AND LOOKS
AT THE CAMERA. (a beat) Chuck, that’s you.



CHUCK
Oh, right. (He walks into the imaginary frame with script in hand,
and a monotone voice). Have you ever been to a concert,
and hated it so much you wanted to delete it from history?

EVERYONE’S FRUSTRATED WITH CHUCK’S SLOW PACE AS WE SWITCH OVER TO: EXT STUDIO PARKING LOT. MARSHALL AND JAKE WALKING UP TO PARKING SPOTS.

JAKE
Huh? Where is Alfred with my after-breakfast, pre-brunch snack?

MARSHALL
Didn’t you fire Alfred?

JAKE
Not old Alfred. New Alfred. That guy in the
blue jumpsuit we passed in the hallway.

MARSHALL
Oh. That’s Chuck, the janitor. He works here.

JAKE
Oh well. His loss. Anyway, I think I’ll go with this one.
(He stops and points at a parking spot).

MARSHALL
That’s my parking spot.

JAKE
Uh-huh. (a beat) So can I have it or not?

MARSHALL
Umm.

MR. CONDOR
Hey, Marshall.

Mr. Condor walks up to them.

Chad said he was hanging out with your cast today. Could
you give him this. He lent it to me.(He hands Marshall a CD
and turns to Jake). Oh, hey. (Realizes who it is).
It’s the Mackintosh Peaks guy… hi.


JAKE
Hello, Mr. Mackenzie Falls producer, dude.

THEY STARE EACH OTHER DOWN UNTIL MARSHALL BREAKS THE TENSION.

MARSHALL
(A beat). This is a Taylor Swift C.D.

MR. CONDOR
(Breaks his stare). Hey, she’s a music legend.

JAKE
(Breaks his stare). It’s true. She’s awesome.

THEY BOTH TURN AND STARE BACK AT EACH OTHER.

MR. CONDOR
Well, I have to get going.

JAKE
Good. To meet you, that is.

THE PRODUCER WALKS AWAY.

So about that parking spot?

MARSHALL
Right. I just remembered that I need to… organize
the… files in my desk. We’ll get this sorted out later.
Aren’t you hungry? Let’s go to the cafeteria
and get you some nice food.

THEY START TO WALK OFF.

JAKE
Sushi?

MARSHALL
Maybe.

SWITCH BACK TO MID SCENE OF REHEARSAL.

NICO
Well now you can. Introducing the new p-pod.

CHAD
(A beat) Chuck.

CHUCK
Oh. (Reading) That’s P-pod, it stands for Pocket-Pod.

NICO
You can absorb any music you hear. And you can either save it for later…

CHUCK IS ZONING OUT.

CHAD
Chuck!

CHUCK
What? Oh, yeah. (Reading) or you can day-lay-tay it?
How do you say that? I don’t speak French.

NICO
Delete! It’s delete! You said it one minute ago!

CHUCK
Delete? Delete. Delete. Delete. Doesn’t
even sound like a word anymore.

TAWNI
Okay, that’s it. Let me at him.

ZORA AND GRADY HOLD HER BACK.

SONNY
Okay. Okay. Enough. We all know who we’re really mad at,
and it’s not poor Chuck. (a beat) Well it is a little bit,
but we wouldn’t be mad at Chuck if it wasn’t
for that snobby Jake Daryn Jensen.

CHAD
I guess I’m looking really nice right about now.

TAWNI
Don’t push it.



SONNY
Look guys, I know we were promised convertibles, but
Jake is disrespecting everyone! This entire studio. (a beat)
And he wouldn’t even eat any of the cheese I made him.

CHAD
He did say he was lactose intolerant.

SONNY
That’s no excuse!

CHUCK
Sonny’s right. (Everyone turns and looks appalled).
Not about the cheese. About the disrespect. I just met
him and he yelled at me, and called me Alfred!

GRADY
This has got to end!

ZORA
If we do anything right now we’ll ruin the show.
have to wait until after.

SONNY
(A beat) Not necessarily. I think I have a plan that will
let us have a great show and teach Jake a lesson.

CUT TO INT MAIN STAGE. SKETCH GOING.

NICO
Well now you can introducing the new…
(pretending to forget) What was it again?

JAKE
(Whispering) P-Pod.

NICO
Oh, yeah. The new P-Pod.

JAKE
That’s P-Pod. It stands for pocket pod.

NICO
You can… Oh, what was that line?

JAKE
You can absorb any music you hear.

NICO POINTS THE POD AT SONNY AND THE BAND AND MUSICAL NOTES FLOW INTO IT. JAKE POINTS HIS AT GRADY AND IT ABSORBS HIS VOICE, TOO. THEY TRY TO SING AND PLAY BUT ARE SILENT.

NICO
You can either save it for later or you can delete it.

JAKE
(Fake laugh). You stole my line, Nico. (Still smiling).

JAKE IS ABOUT TO SPEAK AGAIN, BUT TAWNI PUSHES IN FRONT OF HIM.

TAWNI
The Pocket Pod is available at your local department store!

JAKE
(Still smiling, and another fake laugh). Didn’t
any one learn their own lines, like I did?

TAWNI
Oh, dear.

NICO
Oh, I know what happened. You see the P-Pod also
absorbs regular audio tracks as well as music. I must’ve downloaded
my lines right in there, and forgot to take them out.

TAWNI
Oops. And I must have uploaded your lines,
(She looks at Jake) for me!

TAWNI AND NICO SHARE A LAUGH WHILE JAKE SMILES AWKWARDLY.

TAWNI AND NICO
Ah, ha, ha, ha. Awe.

MARSHALL
And cut. That’s a wrap folks. I loved the re-write. A little risky
not to tell Jake, but I guess you new he could handle it.


JAKE
(He pulls out his phone). I’m gonna handle something…

MARSHALL
Jake, you’re improvising was brilliant. The So Randoms
new that’s what we needed, a master improv.

JAKE
(He puts his phone away). Well, thank you, Marshall. I’m glad I could help.

FINAL SCENE. INT PROP HOUSE. THE WHOLE GROUP ON THE COUCH AGAIN, SQUISHED TOGETHER. WATCHING T.V. ENTERTAINMENT REPORT SHOW REPORTING ON JAKE DARYN JENSEN.

REPORTER
Well it looks like Jake Daryn Jensen’s mad acting
skills brought the sketch show, So Random up to new
heights this week. Ratings were through the roof.

TAWNI TURNS OFF THE T.V.

ZORA
At least now more people will have seen the show.

TAWNI
Yeah, but Jake didn’t give us our convertibles.

CHAD
Yeah. (smiles) Instead he donated 10,000
dollars in your names to charity.

SONNY
Hey, Jake may not have gotten what he deserves, but
he did learn not to mess with the So Randoms.

CHAD
And, Chad Dylan Cooper.

SONNY
You didn’t do anything.

CHAD
Didn’t I, Sonny? Didn’t I?

SONNY
Nope.

CHAD
Oh.

The End.

While You Were Eating

One of the many things that I'm interested in is writing, directing, and acting for films. Periodically, I'm going to share some of the scripts I have written and hopefully people will like them. If not, oh well. The first one is called While You Were Eating. It's an unfinished parody short of "While You Were Sleeping" that starred Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. I didn't think about it before but now I'm seeing Will Ferrell play Jack. See what you think.

While you were eating
By Jake Long

Background: Jack and Jenny are boyfriend and girlfriend. They are going to Jack’s parent’s house for Easter dinner, and Jack is really hungry. They have been dating for two months and this is the first time Jack has brought Jenny home because his parents live three hours away from New York city where they both work.

Brief Descriptions
Jack: He is a Marketing Manager for Prestige Hotels. He is Jenny’s boyfriend for two months now, and is ignorantly rude to her. He sees her as a pretty little trophy, but wouldn’t agree with that if you told him.

Jenny: She is a senior accountant for Landstead Computers. She really likes Jack but has noticed that he’s very belittling. She’s decided to give him another chance and go to his parent’s house for Easter to see if he is worth her time.

Morgan: Jack’s first younger brother. Owns a local Contracting company. He is genuinely nice.

Sam: Jack's youngest brother. He has problems with bullies at school.

Mrs. Laramie: Jack’s Mom, she is a very sweet lady that is excited to meet Jenny.

Mr. Laramie: Jack’s Dad, he is a very gentle man with a good sense of humor.

Ext. Streets. Int. Car.

Jack and Jenny are in a car talking to each other. Jack is driving.

Jack
Oh, man! I am so starving.

Jenny
I know! I’m ready to eat this casserole that I made.

Jack
Wow. You are starving.

Jenny
Oh, stop it, Jack. If I didn’t know any better
I would think you didn't like my cooking.

Jack fakes a laugh.

Jack
I know, right? Here we are!

The car pulls up next to the curb of a middle class home.

Jenny
I hope you’re family likes me.

Jack
Are you kidding? They’ll think you’re beautiful.

Jenny looks confused and almost asks a question. They exit the car and walk up to the front door. Jack opens the front door.

Jack
Guess whose here? (In a funny voice)

Mrs. Laramie
Is that my little Jackie boy? (from the other room)

She walks in and hugs Jack.

And who is this lovely little princess of a lady?

Jack
Mom, this is, Jenny. Jenny, this is, Mom.

Jenny
Hi, Mom. (playfully)

Jenny and Mrs. Laramie smile but Jack looks a little confused.

Jack
No, her name isn’t mom. It’s Mrs. Laramie.

Mrs. Laramie
(a beat) I think Jackie might be a bit hungry, why don’t
we go into the dining room and get started.

Mrs. Laramie guides them into the dining room.
There is one big table with lots of family. Mr. Laramie is at the head of the table, to his right is an empty chair for Mrs. Laramie, to her right is Grandpa Smitty, to his right is Scott, to his right is Sara, to her right is Jesse, to her right is Kevin, to his right is Morgan, to his right is Sam, and to his right are two empty chairs for Jack and Jenny.
Mrs. Laramie motions to the chairs.

Mrs. Laramie
Here are your seats.
Jack looks at Sam.

Jack
Hey Sam, you’re getting big. Man, I’m hungry. Aren’t you?

Sam
Hey. Yeah I am.

Sam gets up to hug Jack, and Jack hesitates for a moment, then decides to hug him. They both sit down as Jenny waits for a moment for Jack to pull her chair out but he has forgotten about her. She pulls out her own chair and sits down.

(a beat)

Mr. Laramie
Aren’t you going to introduce us to your friend?

Jack
I sure am. Everyone, this is Jenny. Jenny, this is everyone.

Everyone greets each other with pleasant conversation.

Mrs. Laramie
Everyone dig in, now. Let’s start eating.

Everyone begins to fill their plates with food and start eating. Jack quickly fills his plate and begins eating in between waiting for more food to be passed around.

Mr. Laramie
That’s quite the appetite you’ve got today, Jackie.

Jack
I'm starving! (a beat) Hey, so Sam, what’ve you been up to?

Sam
Mmm… lots of school… I started a karate class.

Jack
Oh, yeah. Are those guys at school still beating you up cause your gay?

Sam
I’m not gay.

Morgan
Why did you think Sam was gay?

Jack
Like you guys don’t know. The interior design class? And...


Mrs. Laramie
Honey, I didn’t know you were gay. When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?

Sam
I didn’t tell you, because it never happened?!

-

That's it so far. Let me know what you think of it. Thanks.